It’s getting so bad on our estate that the other day when the dustbin men came round the neighbour asked them to leave three bins.
A Liberal Democrat came round the other day and the neighbour told him to get lost saying he would vote Labour, just like his dad and his granddad before him. But said the Liberal Democrat, “what would you vote if your father was a fool and his father before him was a fool too?” “In that case i’d vote Liberal Democrat or Tory.”
Vince Cable” “What can we get Danny Alexander for his birthday?”
Paddy Ashdown” “A book perhaps?’
Vince Cable” “No, he’s got one of those already.”
What’s the difference between an accident and a misfortune.
The first is when Osborne falls into a river, and the second is when someone pulls him out.
I’ve got some good and bad news.
What’s the good news?
Thatcher is dead.
What’s the bad news?
It’s not true.
Thatcher dies and goes to heaven. St Peter refuses her entry and sends her down to hell.
The next day, St Peter is woken early by a great clamour outside his window. Looking out, he see a huge crowd of devils, all demanding political asylum.
Why are there no toilets in the Stock Exchange.
Because everyone shits on everyone else.